Becoming Person of Prayer

 

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. — 2 Chronicles 7:14

This past weekend, I spent the weekend with my fellow brothers and sisters of Christ away from the Northern Virginia. My church’s young adult congregation (ODPC NExT) had planned for a weekend retreat for nearly 6 weeks and the time finally came. I’ve only been a member of this congregation for three months so I’m very new to the congregation and everything. On top of that, I got a call from one of leaders and asked me to lead the small group discussion sessions during the retreat because I’ve had some experience leading small groups previously. Initially, I wanted to say no because I wanted to be free from any commitment with this congregation just yet and wanted to get myself comfortable with the people and environment first before patiently waiting for an opportunity and calling to serve. I guess that calling came way earlier than I anticipated.

One thing I learned is that my church has its own retreat center about two hours away. What?!?! I’ve been attending the English Congregation (EC) for last three years and we’ve never gone to that facility for any sort of events. I guess Korean Congregation (KC) gets the dip on the facility. Anyway, majority of people met up at church and hopped onto one of those long tour bus for the ride. As we were heading down to the facility, the bus was relatively quiet as many of people were resting up, in anticipation that they won’t be getting 8+ hours of sleep for next three days. As we got closer to the destination, the bus was heading into rural and  even rural-er direction and at one point, I was genuinely scared that we were heading to somewhere really remote where there’s literally nothing around in 10 mile radius, so we could truly focus on praying and praying all day.

As we finally got to the retreat facility around 10:30, all individuals picked up their lanyard and name tags. Since, I was tagged to lead a small group (we call it family), I also had to pick up a folder like shown left. At the moment I picked up, there was extreme nervous and pressure since I didn’t know anyone assigned to my family and it will definitely be awkward with people you aren’t friends with. Since this is only a weekend retreat, I had to really get to know them instantly and lead smooth group discussion throughout the retreat.

I prayed hard prior to this retreat. Before I was assigned to lead a family, I was very excited about the theme, which was Becoming People of Prayer. I’ve been a Christian for close to 10 years now and I still don’t think I’m a man of prayer or even know how to pray. I prayed even harder after learning that I’d lead a group. Lots of anxiety but I knew god would provide (and He did). 

The first night was relatively short. Pastor Kim gave brief message about how to become men and women of prayer. We all pray and ask for something to God but do we really pray for right stuff in our hearts? Do we really pray in the name of Christ, like how Christ prayed during his time in earth? Do we know what God wants from us, rather than what we want from God? Thinking…

The Saturday and Sunday were full of activities, messages, and interactions. My family, thankfully, were made of all cool kids. We were the smart ones and those with ability to speak English fluently. Now that I think about it, the leadership probably put all the English-preferred people in a group and tabbed me as a leader since I recently came from EC. It all worked out and I can only thank God for his timing.

As I spent my personal time in prayer, I began to pray for my own heart and that He would break and challenge me. I realize that I grew so much stronger in faith last year because God continued to challenge me and threw me big tasks. At first, those tasks are hard on feelings. I cried like a baby many nights and even thought about giving up but I relied on God as I discover I have nothing to rely on and nowhere to hide but Him. He knew that this would bring me closer to Him and it worked greatly. Last few months of my life have been very fun, I made new friends, traveled to cool parts of the World, and having fun with life but I know this won’t last long and I ultimately have to thank God for all the good people around me.  And also that I have to continue to walk toward him during good and bad days.

This retreat didn’t come with any surprises to my heart. I knew that I needed time away from my routines and spend quality time with Him alone and I’ve accomplished. I’m both scared and excited about His plan for me in 2013 and how he’ll use me. All I can do is to maintain this faithful heart, patiently wait for his call, and give my all for his Glory when my time comes.

I’m glad the retreat was on the first week of 2013 and that I was able to re-direct my focus on Him to start the new year. I know my life will get busy with work and school for next 3-4 months but I know I won’t let those hinder my heart.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. — 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

My family during the 2013 ODPC NExT Retreat

The Biggest Loser Challenge

Like most people, I gained little much weight during the holiday season. People at work brought candies and cookies nonstop that I couldn’t resist the temptations. Plus, it doesn’t help when coworkers in my mom’s age looking at me like their son and trying to feed me don’t help either.

Like I mentioned in my 2013 Resolution post, I will participate in my employer’s biggest loser challenge. We’re to pay $10 entry fee and weigh ourselves every Wednesday from 1/1 to 3/31. The top 6 (3 male and 3 female) who lost biggest % drop wins the pool. I don’t think I will win the pool given that I start at 180 and probably won’t be able to lose more than 10% of my weight in 3 months. I do this mainly to push myself and as extra motivation to keep myself under the weight watch.

I will post the result in early April and show the BEFORE & NOW pictures, but this post is to write how I’m going to approach the Biggest Loser Challenge. I won’t just exercise everyday and not eat to lose weight, but I will apply systematic strategies to make sure I don’t over-kill myself yet effectively get back in shape.

1. Vegetarian – Have you seen ‘Forks Over Knives‘ or ‘Vegucated‘? Both are excellent documentaries about how people gave up bad eating habits (mostly meat oriented) and followed through strict vegetables and plants based meals. I tried being vegetarian for 45 days in Fall to see if I can survive without eating meats and I actually did it without much difficulty. I also was able to lose good portion of weights without exercising heavily. I think I’m going to push this for the entire 90 days period. I will only eat meat one meal a week (only because I can’t simply eat vegetables in a group dining setting at Korean BBQ).

2. Drinks – no more beers, soda, coffee, or alcohols. Simple as that. Water will be my best friends and followed up fruit juices.

3. Fast Foods – you know this will be gone in my plan (and quite possibly forever).

4. Workout – previously, I worked out almost everyday but that just makes me tired that I can’t seem to do other things. I will only exercise 3 times a week. I think I will focus cardio on one day, lifting on another, and mix on the third. Maybe insert yoga if possible.

I’m quite excited about this challenge. I think I can push myself to hardest and test my dedication and commitment by doing this way. I’m not sure if I’ll truly enjoy this challenge but I think it’s worth a test. Come back in 90 days for makeover!

2012 Year in Words

Today is December 31, 2012. At the time of this writing, we’re just shy of 12 hours away from new year. Many people will be preparing for the big party, New York will be crazy (it was crazy when I was there for Christmas), and people will be in good spirit knowing that 2012 is gone and 2013 will be new and fresh.

As I sit in my home, I reflect on how my 2012 went. I won’t go into much detail since I want to keep these memories somewhat private in my head, but I still want to let out how God worked in my life for last 365 days.

I started the year extremely depressed. I was in the midst of great depression of my young life. A girlfriend left me shortly after Thanksgiving for a reason I thought I’d never thought would be a reason a girl would leave, but it happened. I guess that hit me harder than I expected as I struggled pretty mightily to overcome. I tried to not think about it, but as many of you who were ever in love, know that it’s impossible.

I joined a baseball team in March mainly because I wanted to shift my focus elsewhere and hoping that will help me ease the pain by playing sport I love. Luckily, the team was friendly and I was able to fit in greatly with the teammates and we became instant friends. It’s too bad the schedule now interfere with my church service that I won’t be able to participate regularly. Maybe God will provide somehow.

I started sponsoring children oversea. It was something I’ve always wanted to do so but never had guts to commit myself but I finally did this year, not one, but two children. I’m frequently in contact with my children and I think it’s one of better decisions I’ve made this year.

Work has been tough in the beginning of the year because my immediate supervisor left the job for a promotion elsewhere. We didn’t have program manager for 3 months and I had to fill in temporarily which was a daunting task. I think I did a fine job, but I never expected the management to hand me the position so I was relieved when they hired a seasoned veteran for the position and I went back as the assistant manager. I ended up taking on a small program and now act as project manager which serves great experience and joy in my professional career.

In Summer, I dated a girl briefly. But it didn’t last me long either. I won’t go into details on why, obviously, but I wish it would have lasted longer than few months; felt like I didn’t show everything about me and she just slipped out of my hand. Cherish what you have when you have, because you never know when it’ll disappear.

I’ve made a big trip to Iceland in September. It was my first time traveling by myself and didn’t do any research prior to the trip. I went to Tanzania and Mt. Kilimanjaro in October. It was definitely the trip of my lifetime. Possibly the greatest achievement of my young life so far. It started with a crazy idea, then the opportunity, then the result. I loved my teammates, the guides, and everything that I experienced in Africa. I probably won’t go back and do it again, but I will have everlasting memories in my head.

In November, I served with Youth Kosta. I served with this organization last year and loved every bit of it. I was selected to coordinate the regional teachers and I’ve made great friends and companionship with people I’ve met. It’s such a blessing to be with brothers and sisters who love God as much as I do and wanting to know more about Him.

And here I am. It’s December. Cold. Still single. Still searching, but letting God do his work before I take ownership. After all, I don’t own anything in this world and everything comes from Him. Who am I kidding… Why am I so uptight about things in this world?

2012 was a year that God taught me a lot. He taught me patience, he taught me servant-hood, he taught me generosity, how to let of ego, control, and jealousy. He definitely drew me near to him and I can honestly say that I grew big in his kingdom. Although I’ve had few heartbreaks and many falls this year, I’m confident to say that God will never forsake me. In fact, he was with me from the beginning.

Happy New Year, everyone!

2013 Resolutions

As we close the curtains of 2012, we’re busy catching up with friends, grabbing drinks, planning for NYE party. We survived the Mayan scare of 2012, bunch of political, societal, and economic issues, and evaluating ourselves on how we lived the past year. It’s also the time we look back on our 2012 resolutions and see how horrible we were at keeping up with our promises.

Looking back, I don’t think I had goals for 2012. I remember being extremely depressed with life about a year ago and probably didn’t bother creating goals for the year. I felt like God abandoned me (how foolish was I…) and that the world was turning against me for some reason. But I’m just thankful that God is still with me (again, he never left) and that I’m a much stronger person now. Perhaps, that’s what God planned for me this year.

At the time of this writing, we’re 3 days away from closing the 2012 and opening 2013 chapter. I had a chance to sit down and write bunch of things I wanted to accomplish. I did this for few years back and was successful for some and wasn’t so for others. I guess we’re all very optimistic and enthusiastic at first then the real life takes over and we start losing focus and interest on what we told ourselves to do. So this year, I’m only going to make handful and put incentives to them so I have extra motivation to complete them all.

Without further ado…

1. Read the New Testament

My church is starting a new long-term project called OwnIt365. One of pastors will lead this small ministry and read the NT together (meet once a week at church or via Google Hangout) for the entire year. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve never read the bible from beginning to the end. I just wasn’t disciplined enough to stick to a plan and finish it, but I think this might be just what I need. I will have an accountability and a pastor to keep up with and it’s only the NT.

2. 10 Books

Since I started the graduate school, I haven’t had much time to really sit and read. I have bunch of books I was given on my bookshelf and never touched them. I think rather than having them as display, I’d finally read them. I’m setting 5 books for Christianity/Religious and 5 books for Business/Personal Development.

3. The Biggest Loser Challenge

The month of December 2012 was just horrible with my health. I’m usually pretty good with keeping up with my health but wasn’t able to exercise at all for the month and I can feel that I’m a fatter person now. Luckily, my employer is hosting a ‘The Biggest Loser’ challenge for first 13 weeks (until end of March). I think this is great way for me to participate and get under the shape. I’ll probably control my consumption on sugar, fat, and sodas. I’m setting 6% lose of reduction by end of March and another 3% by end of Summer with total goal of 160 lbs by my birthday

4. Travels

I love traveling. I get jealous of people posting pictures of themselves at cool places on Facebook. My work is getting busier and busier and I also do PT grad school that it’s harder for me to find time to travel, but I’ve made some great friends in previous travels that I think we would want to travel again if time permits. I also have enough reward points from my credit card that I can get RT to Europe destination, so I think I’ll explore that option also. Maybe Korea too? Too many places to go, so little time and money  As always, I will visit two new places this year

5. Johns Hopkins University

I think it’s about the time. I’ve been very lazy with my progress of school work. Excuses like busy at work, serving church, and others are not going to cut it for this year and I think I will make this high priority to finish and set free from school. I’m scheduled and planned to graduate by May and I will do my very best to do so.

Previously, I’d set very high and ambitious goals and never followed up because it didn’t matter whether I achieve or not – nobody was going to punish for not completing them. So this time, I’m going to put some prizes/penalties for the goals I set. For every goal I accomplish, I will reward myself $200 (my own money of course) and if I don’t finish the goal, I will donate $200 to local charities at the end of the year. I will update this 2013 resolution quarterly and write statuses so I can review how I’m doing.

It’s exciting time. It’s a fresh new start. I urge everyone to come up with 4-5 goals and do similar process with me. I think linking prizes/penalties will help me follow through with my goals.

An apology

Gah!

I hate the fact that I”m so busy with life and don’t have enough time or commitment to write more here. We’re already closing down the year 2012 but who knows, the world may end tomorrow (I play cool, but I have a slight fear that it’s actually going to happen like Armageddon style).

The year 2012 was full of good and bad moments. If I was a full time writer or blogger, which I will never be because 1) my writing sux 2) i will be broke 3) i’ll be lazy and watch cartoons all morning, I will have so much to write but because I’m a full time engineer, part time graduate student, and also full time God worshipper that I can hardly squeeze a time to come here and write more often. It’s my bad.

The year 2013 will be another ambitious year for me. I’m already thinking few long-term projects, praying about short to mid-term missions, and more travels!

Maybe I can make write once a week (at least) as my resolution to be more proactive on my blogging. It was harder for me to spend time praying/reading bible but I’m better at it now, so I think I just need more discipline and dedication to do so with blogging.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Oh, and thank you Jesus for being born. You know how I feel about you.

African Dream

 

In upcoming days, I will post my experiences in African journey – both Kilimanjaro and Safari tours.

Africa was exactly what I was expecting. The still undeveloped regions, green jungles, endless plains, dirt loads, etc. But behind all these undeveloped scenes, I still saw smiles in people’s faces, joy in children, and hope for the better lives. People live and work hard yet still manage to find happiness in their daily lives, something I found that we, Americans, are missing in our lives.

To think about after the trip, it’s still mind-bogging how I decided and manage to climb the highest peak of Africa, the mount Kilimanjaro. The five day trek was difficult but extremely valuable to my adult memories and experiences. It’s something I will never forget and will always look at pictures and smile how wonderful the trip was.

Stay in tuned for more detailed posts. I don’t expect you to book your trip to Tanzania after reading my posts, but hopefully it’ll ease some of concerns you have for Africa and someday you’ll have passion to do something much greater and memorable for your life.

Seeking answers

 

It has been while since I came here and write a post. It’s not that I lost my interest in keeping this journal or haven’t been following Christ, but thought I wanted to take some time off from public and keep my relationship with God alone.

There are lots of things on my mind these days. I guess if you’re late 20s, you just have lots of things on your mind from career to social setting to relationship to money to God.

I’ve seeking answers to my questions or should I say directions for my life. I thought I knew what I was doing, but decided to drop and solely trust that God will lead me and take me to the answers. I’ll be sure to pray more and frequently to seek God’s answers and to follow his will.

I’m scared for what plans he has for me, but I believe that I can overcome with God on my side. Maybe this is how Christians grow and get into deeper relationship with Christ, by seeking and relying more on Him and not myself.

Rescued

 

About a week ago, I came upon an article that sent a very interesting message to all of us but especially to the young professionals in 20s.

The article titled ‘We Need Boring Christians” talk about how much we (young professionals) fancy missions trips to 3rd world countries and doing extraordinary works for God’s glory and thus we’re closer to the God than most other people who has office jobs doing same things for 9 to 5pm daily. But the article tells that no matter what we do, we’re all still very equal and God loves us for who we are, and not what we do.

Colossians 3:23 says,

What ever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord.

I’m not trying to take anything away from people who are on the fields spreading God’s word, but it got me thinking that what I do is just as important as people on the mission’s fields. And also something else that sparked my heart.

Is it only the 3rd world countries needing God’s help and words?

Or do our neighbors, friends, colleagues, and people you meet in the park need God also?

I live with three other friends. We’re all great friends, but unfortunately, two friends aren’t Christians as of this post. Both have been in-and-out of church but have not fully committed themselves to the Christ and yet wondering lost in this world.

Why is it that I tried to do nothing about this? Why is it that I accepted as it is and thought mission trip is the only meaningful work for spreading God’s words?

For the longest time, I was very envious of my friends who went overseas, usually to the 3rd world countries, and serve God during summer breaks during college while I report to my internships and make pocket changes. I knew, in my heart, that missions field has more meaningful work, experience, joy, and would look great to God than getting a cubicle in a tall building doing reports and analysis.

But the article taught me something. It is not about how fancy your work is. It is about bringing people to the rescue. There are millions of people still lost out there, not just the 3rd world country, but in our backyards. People unaware of God’s grace and mercy, and living the secular life and chasing earthly things and possessions.

My two roommates are just two out of millions of people lost. Why did I try to look far, say Kenya, when I’m interacting with my friends daily basis but do not put myself into the action?

My church is going through Evangelism until the Easter Sunday and we’ll try to remind ourselves that God is bigger than anything else in the world. We’ll try to ask God to use us and send us to the fields to rescue the lost souls. You see, we deal with lost people everyday yet we’re either afraid or shy (or both) to approach to them so we can deliver and share God’s love. I know I am.

For next 8 weeks, I’m going to try to talk to my friends and see what they think about God and why they drew themselves against God. Maybe they need my help and maybe they need someone to hold their hands to jump-start their walk with God, whatever they may need, I will ask God to use me and send me (I think he already did, I just realized it now) so I can be his worker and bring good news to the people.

So I ask God for strength, wisdom, and confidence to deliver his love, grace, and mercy to the lost souls. And I ask Him that he will open their eyes, ears, and heart and turn to Him. So that one day, we may all dance together in the heaven.

Purity my heart

Lord, I give this broken heart to you.

It is so rotten, brittle, and dark but I still offer this heart to you.

I have been running away from you past few months.

I’m so ashamed that I thought I could live the life I wanted and close my ears from you.

You wanted to talk, but I ran away from you, because I was angry.

But Lord, I come to you now.

And I thank you for accepting me back just the way I am now.

My heart is sinful, my mind is full of angry thoughts and imaginations.

Lord, I pray that you come and empty my heart and mind.

So I can fill up with your love, and only with you love.

Lord, I want to surrender today and want to be re-born.

I want to be holy again, clean again, so I can live the life you planned for me.

How foolish I was to run away from you and ignore your calling.

But I come cry to you now.

So Lord I ask you that you give me strength to continue up.

Strength to fight the darkness.

Strength to lift my hands and praise you.

I ask that you purify my heart.

So I can be more like you.

Amen

Is God one of your passions?

 

Recently, my roommate sent me an interest link.

It’s about how to discover your passion. Everyone has few passionate things of their own. They may not know it fully but deep inside of their hearts, they have something they love doing and wish they can do those for living rather than sitting in cubicle staring at excel spreadsheets and powerpoint slides (ehhh…. that’s me).

The link takes you to a website and looks to be some sort of personal website he runs. In this article, he talks about passion and offer few steps and processes to discover what you’re passionate about. It’s a mini exercise you can do in 15 minutes, so I decided to give it a shot during my lunch break at work.

Here is my result (and sorry about poor quality of my camera phone):

In the article, he asks five questions and if you do it correctly, there will be few recurring words for each question. For me, it looks like traveling, photography, food, and writing.

I somewhat knew what I was interested in and what I day-dream about (living in Hawaii, hiking to a near mountain and listen on the waves and cool breeze). Based on the exercise, I think it’s clear that what I’d love to do if money wasn’t an issue and how I’d love to spend my work-less days and/or years.

When I got home last night, while doing my QT, it got me thinking…. and somewhat shockingly….

Why isn’t Jesus Chris on this napkin?!

I immediately got ashamed of myself when realizing that God, Jesus Chris, Bible, Pray were not on my list of passionate things.

Could this be true me? Am I a hypocrite person who attend church, bible studies, do QT but don’t really have passion for God?

I ponder on that question for sometime last night. I wanted to know whether I’m true to my heart or have I become one of those people who just attend church on Sundays?

I think not.

I found myself growing a lot in last two years. God has been working in me non-stop and tested me many times. Sometimes tests come in harder format than I can endure, but I need to lay down my pride and belongings before God and fully trust his plans and will.

From Colossians 1:11

May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.

Lately, if you have been reading my posts, it has been difficult for me to find joy in Christ. I have been very vulnerable for last few weeks and holding dearly on God for strengths and faithfulness. It has been struggle, but I have been able to fight the devil and stand strong.

Every year, Passion Conference is held at different cities around United States led by popular speakers and worship bands. Many of my friends have attended in previously and thousands of people flock to the host city to worship in one unity before God.

The Passion 2012 just successfully completed last few days in Atlanta, GA and I’m sad I wasn’t able to attend (maybe next year? please be near DC so I don’t have to make a big travel plan). The conference is called Passion. So people who attend must be passionate for God, right?

How about you? Are you passionate for God?

It certainly doesn’t mean you’re passionate for God if you don’t attend this conference. It also doesn’t mean you’re not passionate if you don’t attend.

Whether you’re passionate for God or not depend on your daily activities. Do you praise and thank God for all the good news? Do you depend on God daily? Do you start the day talking to him? How about when you end your day? Is God living the day with you or do you live the life you want and only seek when you need his help?

The ‘find your passion’ exercise opened my eyes. There are thousands of things I want to buy, thousands of places I’d love to visit, and thousands of foods I’d love to try. But would I take God over all these things? Is he greater than those thousands of things?

2012 has just begun and many people have already given up on their resolutions (ie. exercise more!). I already had few bad days and losing my motivations at work. However, I believe it’s important that we don’t lose motivation for seeking God. Once we turn around, it’s very easy to fall away and stuck in darkness (until he saves you again!).

I want to make this year that I grow passion for God. I give praises, worship, and thanks to God all the time, but I’m not quite sure whether I’m passionate for him or not. I think I want to focus on my passion and have my eyes fixed upon Cross and realize how desperate I am for mercy. I want to be passionate for the Holy Spirit.

Now, going back to result of my passionate things. It looks like my perfect day is to travel, take photos of foods, and then write on my blog. Hahaha.